Day 1 - Let’s go to war

Preface

I’ve never written blog posts before.

And getting this to work using AI actually went smoother than I expected.
Nevertheless, I still despise using AI.

This, coming from a guy who spends 20+ euros a month on ChatGPT because not having it gives me anxiety these days.

Anyway.

Introduction

Hello, fine reader. My name is Oli (short for Oliver).

And I’m an addict.

Roll credits.

Welcome to my first blog post.

This website is dedicated to sharing stories about my greatest dickbag nemesis: addiction.

Why this exists

I’ve been wanting to set this up for a while now, but kept postponing it.

Partly because, until now, I’ve still had too many demons to vanquish to put any energy into this.
But mostly because I was always convinced no one would ever read this — and that it wouldn’t do any good.

You might be thinking:

“He’s come to a point where he has defeated his demons and is now able to create this.”

DISCLAIMER: I haven’t.

I’m still right in the middle of fighting them.

The reality

I’m not publishing this because I’ve won.

I’m writing this because I’m currently in my fifth year of battling addiction.

I might be able to say I’ve won a lot of battles…
but I have not won the war. Not even close.

I am still fighting.
And I honestly have no idea when this war will end.

What I’ve learned

Over the past five years of swinging swords against addiction — our common enemy — I’ve learned some things.

This enemy has:

  • brutally struck me with its battle-axe
  • stabbed me in the back countless times with a dull shiv
  • beaten me to a pulp bare-handed

And it truly fucking sucked when it got inside my head and pushed me toward taking my own life multiple times.

(We’ll get to that.)

But every single time…

I got back up.

The truth about getting back up

I never got back up alone.

Every time I was beaten down, I had help.
Sometimes I asked for it. Sometimes I didn’t.

But I was lucky enough to receive it.

I know a lot of people going through this shit don’t even have that privilege.

Why I’m writing this for you

So here is me giving you that fucking privilege.

If you continue reading, I will walk you through my battles — and exactly how I got through them.

I’ll talk about:

  • cravings
  • triggers
  • self-destructive thoughts
  • and how to stop seeing yourself as a negative entity so you can stop digging your own grave

I will make no promises that my advice will actually help you.

I’m no fucking mind-reading guru.
This is still just a blog.

Take it as such.

Closing

But if you’ve made it this far…

I’d say you’re already battle-hardened enough to keep going.

So let’s do it together.

Let’s go to war.